The Heem Team Origin Story [A RYAN K. SMITH CONCEPT]

Hello, there. With all this coronavirus stuff going down, I’m pretty bored in the crib, as I imagine you are. I haven’t gotten as much writing done as I should, but I thought I’d share a concept that I was fooling around with. It’s the origin story of The Heem Team.

The Heem Team started out as an off-shoot of my guy Lucky Seven’s rap label, Howhood University. The Heem Team was Luck Seven and all of us that fucked with his movement. “Heem” was what we called loud (speaking about weed) and a heem god named Heemus was ideated. During this time, me and my guy Jesse Is Heavyweight used the Heem Team theme on our mixtape, Jesse & The Technicolor Heem Coat (I made the beats. Sadly, I don’t rap) and I wrote up a little story to go with it.

Alas, though Luck Seven is mobbing like never before with album after album (mostly self-produced and recorded in his Buffalo studio, which is also a recording home to the almighty Griselda Records clique), the real-life Heem Team was short-lived. Nevertheless, I always had a vision for the Heem Team concept as a group of heroes that used heem to combat hard drug use. I had an idea of what Heemus looked like in my head and what the story would be (separate from what I wrote for me and Jesse’s mixtape). One night, I put all my thoughts down on paper and came up with a Heem Team origin story. Maybe I’ll build off of it and start writing some episodes. Maybe. Anyways, check out what I came up with below. It may be a little cumbersome and I’m not sure how digestible it is, but I did it. IDK. I think there’s something dope about the concept. Though I’m far from a connoisseur, I see it as a comic book/cartoon type of thing like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I know it’d probably be better if I was into comics, but I gave it a shot anyway (with Lucky Seven’s blessing).

I’d love any feedback at ryan@mewefree.com. Check out the story below. Thanks for stopping by:

Eons ago, the land of Ezilautca was designated by Omni, the premier numen in the realm. It was gifted to him by the Absolute who created the lands, seas, sun, moon and stars. The Absolute gave the land to Omni because Omni mastered how to create life based on his studies of the vegetation on Ezilautca. Omni wanted Ezilautca to be a place to realize all of the creations and concepts that his numina ideated. The numina were a collective of sub-deities that Omni created to assist him with managing Ezilautca. Omni’s first creations were the animals of the land, sea and air. After that, he used his divine knowledge to create human beings that came in the same form as he, the Absolute and the others. The humans were supposed to be vessels through which the numina transmitted their ideas to Ezilaucta. A numen imparted the idea to a human and the human used the resources available to see the idea to fruition.

Omni also created Providence, a realm that was in Ezilautca, but inaccessible to human beings, for he and the numina to watch and preside from. For a time, the divine lived among mankind, changing forms to blend in with the crowd and impart ideas. However, the numina felt like having to interact with humans dulled them mentally and that humans had too many problems They wanted a place where they could sharpen and inspire each other without human interference. Providence existed in the air. Each numen was given a thick, gold chain with an ornate sundial for a pendant to exit Providence and get back. It was just a matter of turning the gnomon on the dial. Providence was an expansive palace-like place where it was never dark. 

In Providence, the numina worked non-stop trying to devise new things to introduce to Ezilautca. The main thing that they worked on was new kinds of stupefacients. Omni wanted the numina to create stupefacients that helped humans get a sense of what they felt like in Providence. This would be some relief from the woes and perils that existed in Ezilautca that didn’t exist in Providence. He didn’t want the stupefacients to be too powerful, as to give a human the full feeling of being a deity. He just wanted to give them a taste. He required that the numina use the uber-fertile lands of Providence to grow their stupefacients for Ezilautca, which only had one at the time.  

When a numen felt he/she had created a worthy new stupefacient, they presented it to Omni, who would give it to Jape. Jape was a numen who could never get anything right. He was always interrupting conversations or clumsily sabotaging other numina’s creations. Omni would’ve just gotten rid of him, but took pity on Jape. Omni designated Jape as the stupefacient tester. None of the stupefacients that the numina created were sufficient for what Omni was looking for. Jape would either get too throwed off of them or feel nothing at all. 

The numina excelled in other areas of creation. For example, one created clothes for humans. Another example was the conception of cooked food. Later on down the line, one invented the computer. These basic creations were expanded upon extensively while new creations were presented daily. When one was approved, the numen who created it went to Ezilautca to impart the idea to a deserving human in a dream to introduce it to their world. The numina would also produce and use the new innovations for their own pleasure. Omni wished they could use their creative prowess to make more stupefacients to help mankind.

The one stupefacient that existed in Ezilautca was cannabis and that was created by Heemus. When Jape tested it out, he didn’t wild out, but he was also visibly feeling something. Once he iterated what he felt, all of the numina agreed that it described the way they felt. Because Jape was able to articulate his feelings, Omni knew it wasn’t too strong and was suitable for humans. The seed was disseminated all over Ezilautca and grew. When the time came, Heemus chose a few humans to “discover” it and find ways to consume it. As the creator of the first successful stupefacient, Heemus was Omni’s favorite numen. Heemus was very adept at creating and often had the other numina building on and remixing his ideas. Perhaps Heemus’s greatest creation other than cannabis was music. Omni was very impressed by the concept of a grouping of sounds to make a cohesive song. Over time, other numina created different genres and styles of music. Heemus’s variations always were the most popular. 

There was also a numen named Babyl. He was always jealous of Heemus and his favor with Omni. He tried tirelessly to outdo Heemus, but all of his stupefacients hit Jape too hard. He tried his hand at music and created smooth jazz. Omni hated the music so much that he almost banished Babyl to live out eternity in Ezilautca. Babyl was skating on thin ice with Omni, but he redeemed himself somewhat when he created streaming for music and movies sometime after the computer was created. He got by off of that but messed up by creating a synthetic stupefacient he called Bang. Jape put the crystal in his pipe, hit it, then immediately started itching. After that, he started speaking straight gibberish when asked what he felt. Jape then went sunk into a stupor where he said nothing for a few minutes before it wore off. Omni asked Babyl how he grew it. Babyl told Omni he didn’t grow it, but made it from cleaning supplies he found around Providence. 

Omni was outraged by the conscious breach of his instructions. With that, he banished Babyl to Ezilautca for eternity, never to return to Providence. Babyl complied and went to Ezilautca, taking only his laptop and some cleaning supplies. He didn’t want to live among the humans, so he went underground and made a home for himself. He no longer felt what they felt in Providence. While underground, he kept perfecting Bang, serving as his own tester trying to restore the feeling. He would invite humans down to do Bang with him and they got hooked. They told their friends about it and soon they were coming to Babyl’s place underground to cop with their money. After a while, Babyl grew rich. Seeing the power he had over humans, he decided to make himself their king from his underground lair. He got them listening to his smooth jazz, which they were brainwashed into loving. They then spread the message around. Soon, Babyl became the most powerful man in Ezilautca without even showing his face above ground. He did away with all forms of entertainment besides BABYL-NET, an app that played nothing but smooth jazz and showed boring videos of things like paint drying or grass growing. The people had become so dull due to the Bang, they paid for and consumed BABYL-NET with no problems or questions. 

Meanwhile, in Providence, Heemus had more up his sleeve. He created hip-hop, which blew Omni away. Omni was so impressed that he decided to retire as the top deity in their realm and hand the reins over to Heemus. Omni and Heemus studied the similarities between life and music, then devised a way to use music to create life. Omni then took the other numina with him on an eternal trip through the cosmos during which, they’d all meet the Absolute. Heemus was left alone in Providence, except for Jape, who missed Omni’s call and slept through the departure. Heemus kept an eye on human activity and tried to formulate some more ideas for mankind. 

By this time, Babyl had risen to complete power in Ezilautca. He had grown very wealthy by selling Bang and BABYL-NET. The people appointed him as their king and he accepted. One of his first actions was to create the Constabulary to patrol the land and enforce laws he had drafted. He then outlawed cannabis and destroyed everywhere it was grown. He had perfected Bang and from its essence, he created a being named Sil to oversee its distribution as he tended to BABYL-NET. He changed the name of Ezilautca to Econ. The land soon teemed with smooth jazz-loving Bang addicts who worked solely to be able to pay for the stupefacient and for their pricey subscription for access to BABLY-NET after they paid rent. Some didn’t pay rent and were forced to live on the street.

The takeover happened before Heemus realized it. He was too busy trying to create things for humans but didn’t know if they were good for people or not. It would also be too much work for him solely to get the ideas to different humans in Econ. He was most dismayed by Babyl making cannabis illegal. He worked feverishly to create a new, similar stupefacient to introduce to humans. All while Heemus tried to create the new stupefacient, Babyl’s stranglehold on Econ grew tighter. One day, Heemus got it right when he created heem. He noticed it was growing from his own head. He plucked some off and gave it to Jape to roll up and smoke. Jape tested it and his reaction was similar to when he tried cannabis for the first time. Heemus studied his hair, then made a seed that could grow it. It was like a cannabis plant, except the buds were the same texture of cotton candy and prismatic in color. It was still dense enough to break down, roll up and smoke. Furthermore, it would grow to full bloom in a single day. The final result wasn’t the same as the pure heem growing from his head, but it got the job done. 

Heemus didn’t feel comfortable taking heem to Econ to give to a human to create. Instead, he used the heem essence and music to create five new beings he called the Heem Team. Since he was listening to hip-hop as he created them, two were male rappers. Heemus named them Melchy and Lavish. The third was a producer/DJ/engineer. Heemus named him DJ Optics. The fourth was a female singer, which he named Yvonne. The last was a visual artist that he named Gaws. Heemus told them of his intention to send them to Econ to introduce heem and save mankind from Babyl. He knew that Babyl had built up quite a formidable army called the Brute Squad, so he trained the Heem Team in various styles of combat until they were top-notch fighters. Heemus also bestowed them with big gold chains, with Heem Team pendants. When taken off, the chains could be stretched to the length of a jump rope and used as weapons. Heemus didn’t plan it, but the Heem Team all had a huge affinity for nachos. In fact, that’s all they wanted to eat. 

Heemus came up with a plan for how the Heem Team could distribute heem, along with good music and messaging. They would be a rap collective with their own streaming platform for their music. People would subscribe for free. It was decided that the Heem Team would drop a new project every week. With every project, they’d release a new strain of heem and a new t-shirt. Heemus developed a new method of high-quality recording where the sound passed through a pool of water before being recorded. He called it the Hydrovibe. The sounds that would pass through would trouble the water and change its molecular properties but it would remain a liquid. Once the project was finished, water would be used to grow heem in their secret grow facility. The plant that grows would be unique based on the altered water made with that week’s music. With the new project, every subscriber would get a free ounce of the week’s heem delivered to them along with a limited edition t-shirt featuring a design drawn by Gaws. They would announce the new heem and project on their weekly podcast. 

Heemus found a plot of land in an obscure area of Econ and erected a recording studio for the Heem Team to live in. He laced it with state-of-the-art equipment of better quality than anything known on the land. He also added a podcast studio, an expansive grow house and a mass t-shirt silk-screener that can print 1,000 shirts in minutes. Heemus found a way to make blank t-shirts with heem. He created a few new numina to help him process a million t-shirts per week. When people put on the shirts, they absorbed heem through the skin. Heemus gave DJ Optics a laptop with the countless unheard instrumentals, sounds and drum kits he created through the centuries to sample. He also made sure that the kitchen automatically restocked itself with everything they needed for nachos. The backyard was huge with a full stage and sound system for performances. He sent Jape to be their servant who would clean and serve them nachos for every meal. Heemus also equipped the squad with a big, souped-up RV that they could travel around town in. It’s electric and they charge it at the studio. It holds a charge for a long time and never runs out of power.

The last thing Heemus had to do was give them a way to communicate with him. The Heem Team can summon Heemus by smoking on pure heem, which only grows out of Heemus’s head. Heemus pulled his head off, then sprouted another. With the head he pulled off, they could grow pure heem like a chia pet with a heem fro. They could pluck from it and smoke in a session to summon Heemus. 

Heemus left them with one rule: you cannot make money doing any of this. Everything will be provided as needed. 

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